my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
