he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
