Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm just crazy horny about you
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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