we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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