well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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