you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
