You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
