I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize