The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
