Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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