i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
