While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
