It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
