evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
