Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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