Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
