My nipple is on Facebook.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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