A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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