White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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