Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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