she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
