is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
