And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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