guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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