I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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