i think my tv is drunk
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize