A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
