giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
