i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
