I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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