I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
