Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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