I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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