I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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