she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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