i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
