I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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