We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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