thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
