I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
