your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize