You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
