My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We have started to decorate penises.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
