those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
