I wanna bring you to show and tell
You can't special order awesome
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
