Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
