she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
