can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
