i just had sex bonerless
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
