I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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