So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
