well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
