Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
