i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
