The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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