When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
