A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
