dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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