I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
