nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
