I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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