Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
