I just saw a hot homeless man
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
