Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize