a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
