This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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