you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
