I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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