Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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