i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
