Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
