Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
jump out the window naked night went bad
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