This dress was meant to end up on your floor
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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