I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
